I want to thank Ronnie and the community for your confidence in me. With the Grace of God and your continued prayer I am hopeful that I can be the servant you need. In my nervousness Friday night there were some things that were left unsaid.
As Friday approached, I had been inundated with doubts and concerns. Thoughts like, “Lord, what were You thinking?” Followed immediately by, “What was I thinking? I can’t do this.” I am fairly certain that just about every person who was installed as Lay Director has had the same thoughts. Well, I don’t know if what I am feeling is fear or nervousness or apprehension or maybe a combination of all of them. In my head, I know that God is with me, but I must tell you there are other voices that are often pretty loud. So many times in the bible we hear God or an angel say, “Do not be afraid”. I think that is because God knows how we are wired, and that often our confidence is just an illusion. I think being anxious might be a good thing; keeps me from thinking too much of myself.
To all of the former Lay Directors, I want to tell you from my heart that I am humbled to be in your shadow. Each Lay Director before brought their own talents and gifts and the prayers of this community with them wherever they went. So I am nervous and anxious. Apologies but that is the way I am wired, but the important part of my nervousness is a sense of confidence that God is with us and in you.
I need your prayers every step of the way. I need your prayers when we agree and when we don’t. I need your prayers that I hear and follow God's whispering rather than my own loud voices. I was reminded this past weekend that, “God does not call the qualified, but qualifies the called.” I continue to pray that she is right. The distance from my head to my heart, from hearing it to believing it, is often the longest distance I travel.
So again, I ask you to pray for everyone on Secretariat so that we can be faithful servants to our Cursillo community and to the larger community we walk among—that moveable square meter. So that we become walking talking billboard sharing the love of Jesus, the Joy of the Gospel, wherever we go and with everyone we meet. Our moveable square meter.
I wish my son John was here so I could tell him how proud of him I am but also how much my youngest son changed my life. Since he went away to college, and joined FOCUS he showed me, without being one, what a true Cursillista is all about. Late one night, I saw him on his knees and convicted me that I should spend more time on my knees, another time I saw him reading the bible, and was convicted that what I was seeing should have been me showing him, and when he spoke to me about FOCUS I knew the work they do to make disciples is no different than our mission as Cursillistas, to go and spread the Good News to those who haven’t heard it or have forgotten it. Now I am still working on my piety, my study and my action, using Matthew Kelly’s phrase, “To be the best version of myself.” And in so doing maybe, just maybe I can be the servant that is needed.
In December, a man named Jack called me to see how I was doing. He didn’t use text or email, he called me to see how I was doing and to wish me and my family a Merry Christmas. That simple phone call came at the best time and meant so much to me. This was another time God took to reminded me that personal encounters mean the most. Making a friend, being a friend and bringing the friend to Christ. That is the great commission that each of us are called to do. To share the love of Christ as we live outside our comfort zone.